Let’s say I sometimes lose the mood to create anything. I start thinking everything I produce is worthless garbage anyway – it’s just noise, slowing other people down from getting to the good stuff. Usually these moods, I thought, seem to coincide when some idiot logs on to their anon account and comments something insulting. And while I know this comment is garbage, and what these anon people might really be doing (it’s nothing personal – they just get their kicks out of catharsis – no better than heroin addicts) – it sends my thought-train down a path that’s not really pleasant or helpful.
And then I discovered – that it doesn’t happen every time, so it’s not about that, it’s not just thoughts. It’s not the confidence – the mania, the illusions about a grand outcome for everything that comes out from me (ok, not everything, even in mania I can tell when shit is shit, cheap ideas are cheap ideas, and effortless onanism is effortless onanism);
I’d been trying to track down what it is, do I need to insert more mania and illusions to get myself going? Becuase sometimes we get it injected into us without us even asking – like with this post – would I still have bothered to keep thinking about this if Mr. Hulk himself didn’t muse me with his response?
But here’s a new idea… Maybe it’s never been about the illusions – I mean, they help, sure – but there has to be a foundation below, too. Because we can have very bullshit illusions – and that’s when we create shit and can’t tell it’s shit.
I think it’s about the energy. No, Energy – with a big E. And I don’t want to say it’s some magical cosmical energy – but it is, too – because it’s not just the carbohydrates or fats or proteins – it’s a lot more. It’s not as immediate and limited as food – this energy is aged (path-dependent! Ha!), it’s slow to change, slow to move – because it’s connected to my health, connections, environment, opportunities (and my capability of spotting said opportunities), relationships, habits (end of thinking capacity).
And that energy gets out of whack when I don’t take good care of myself – let’s say, indulge in alcohol or party-food without there being any celebration to go with, or drink anything caffeinated after a certain hour of the day (I’m not sure)… Or spend time with people whose baseline for their own energy-management is so fucked up that it starts corrupting my own.
So, let’s say getting manic and delusional can boost us for a little bit, sure, but it won’t get us to the real thing – the thing we really could or should be making. It’s when the whole compot of things I just listed earlier above is in more-or-less better order – and it starts compounding.
Because when I eat well and move enough, I also sleep better. When I sleep well, I wake better. When I’m well-rested, I can pay attention to things going on outside of me – when my head isn’t clogged with things I’m trying to kick down the road – I am also open to noticing things outside AND inside of me – the opportunities… When I’m well rested and strong and healthy enough – I will have the energy to act on those opportunities – less and less is holding me back.
Head or heart getting clogged with issues that drag and smell – well, there’s two things there – we either refuse deal with them in the real world, or we refuse to dig deep enough to get to understand something (I did have a revelation about the smokers situation recently, but about that – some other time).
When I don’t have stupid issues that keep me drowning and whiny – there’s actual space and energy to connect with other people.
Good connections and relationships – a different boost, but a good one, anyway – because when we surround ourselves with people who do not take care of their health, they can’t sleep well – they end up sucking on your energy because they have none of their own – they have to outsource their safety and attention span, because they come to you half-asleep, pitch effortless ideas, expect you to carry them through and take offense when you don’t care to tread around them peacefully as if they are trying to get some rest.
But surround yourself with people who sleep well and are in good health – what they notice and you notice, and if you are back-to-back, OH MAN – the things you can cover, the things you can discover, the things you can build – incredible! To go beyond the dichotomy of selfishness and altruism, and master this mysterious configuration between people called “cooperation” – we do it best when we take care of our health, first, and then things start cascading from there. SYNERGY.
Besides, people who sleep well are more fun to be around even when there’s no big challenge to tackle going on. Fun people deserve all the muse, boost and mania Hulk can infect the with ten times over!
Take care of yourself o/